Just Waiting May 6, 2008

finally, we have decided on a date.  it would either be may 28 or 30 if i’d really go for the CS operation.  but in case the baby wants her freedom earlier than those dates, i might try to do it the normal, usual way.  if the doctor would allow it.  if my body would allow it.

i will have to see my new OB on saturday, as soon as we arrive in negros.  then i am guessing she’d advise me to have a pelvimetry, or the pelvic bone xray to check on my pelvic bone, if it’s big enough to accommodate my baby.

i have grown accustomed to the discomfort and inconvenience.  i just tell myself it’s gonna be a few more weeks.  my only consolation for now is that while the baby is still safely tucked inside my tummy, i only have one wailing child to attend to, raf.  hahaha.  i know it’s gonna be a circus once there’ll be two of them asking for attention already.  i am silently hoping that the husband won’t start on a new job very soon so he can take care of the eldest while i bond with the newborn.

i told him that after this one, i wouldn’t entertain thoughts of having a third child.  i mean, of course, kids are blessing but i am also thinking of our stability and the future.  we just can’t say, bahala na, on this matter.  i want to give my children the best of what we can offer, and not to sacrifice their education and other needs, just because we can’t afford it.  and besides, i’ve been traumatized by this pregnancy that i am not sure i’d survive the next one.  hahaha.

so now we are waiting, waiting, waiting.

Mommy Woes April 17, 2008

i have come to the point of my pregnancy where i everything i do is becoming a burden, a chore.  i can’t sit down without feeling that sharp pang of pain on my upper tummy, and standing up makes my legs and feet cringe with my upper body’s weight.  and i don’t even want to talk about lying down!  it takes me an hour to find a position comfortable enough for me and my tummy before i can asleep every night!

sometimes i fight the urge to cry here in the office, especially when the pain gets unbearable i don’t know whether to stand up or sit down or head to the clinic to lie down.  everyday is a struggle and God knows how many times i have bit my tongue to stop myself from complaining.

oh, can may come already?  i want to go home!

Finally, It Is A SHE April 14, 2008

yes, we are having a girl! 🙂  the ultrasound last saturday said so.

the husband can’t seem to decide whether to be happy or scared.  hahaha.  he asked the little boy what they would do with a little girl.

finally, there would be two of us to clean up after the boys’ mess.  it’s two vs two.  we are now even.  hahaha.

No Sibling Rivalry March 11, 2008

i used to have this fear that raf would develop resentment towards the little one because of their age difference, which is not really that big a gap, just three years.  i feel that we haven’t given our son the full attention he needs and wants because well, we are both working.  that’s why it has been decided before that we would only conceive when raf would turn 6 already.  but what do you know, since the second child couldn’t wait for its turn anymore, we have no choice but to overwhelm the firstborn with our affection until the time i have to give birth, because whether we like it or not, the baby would eat up all of our time once its here.

lately, raf has been more receptive to whatever’s inside my tummy.  he would kiss and bid it good night every night and would even rub it so it would kick.  last night, this little one made pakitang gilas to its kuya.  it kicked, swam, did cartwheels much to the delight of our 2-year old.  raf kissed the protruding part (i guess it was the leg) and told the baby, “sleep na baby.”  

it warmed my heart to see my boy happy with our upcoming bundle.  i can just imagine his excitement once it would come out.  i hope though that he wouldn’t pinch or bite the baby kung manggigil siya.  

i know raf would be a good older brother.  i guess it would be normal for him to feel a little bit jealous towards the newborn but in time, i am sure he would get over it.  he even refers to himself as kuya now.   now i know we have to work double time on our parenting skills.  raising two kids is no joke, it’s a job. 😉

Or February 23, 2008

i think we are gonna have a maarte second child.

i had the most-awaited ultrasound this afternoon primarily to check on the baby’s condition and also to know its gender.  and just when i was about to burst with excitement, the doctor said she couldn’t really determine the sex because my baby’s keeping its legs closed.

but she said there’s a high probability that it’s a girl because the area where her genitals should be is flat.  when it’s a boy, usually the area’s a little bigger and perhaps, i don’t know if this is the right term, swollen, if viewed through the ultrasound because of the balls.   also, a friend said, the a baby boy’s sex can be seen as early as the fifth month of their lawit.

so now, i don’t want keep my hopes high but i am happy nonetheless because the baby’s doing great.  it seems to have strong arms and legs since the doctor herself observed its swift kicks.

boy or girl, it really doesn’t matter but of course, i’d be very very thrilled to give raf a little sister so i’d also know how it would feel to have a daughter.  just to have the gift to bear children is a tremendous blessing.  it would be a bonus for Him to give us a female bundle of joy.

Carrying A Midget The Second Time Around November 23, 2007

it’s true what they say that no two pregnancies are alike.  i am a proof to that now.  what i thought would be an easy second pregnancy because raf was such a no-fuss little something inside my womb turned out to be a misconception.

first, i battled with morning sickness sans the vomiting but more of headaches and dizziness for a good one week.  second, i am as lazy as the next fat-assed lady next door.  oh yes, i am naturally lazy but as much as i can’t imagine to be lazier than my usual self, i am exactly that.  raf has become my personal yaya.  haha. it’s a good thing he still doesn’t complain about fetching my water or my cellphone or my book yet.  third, i am constantly in discomfort.  i initially had the spotting and cramps, and now i have the colds and cough.  fourth, i am fat.  enough said.

with raf, i didn’t have to worry about morning sickness or any inconveniences.  except perhaps for a short bout with UTI.  i was healthy as a horse despite my grueling work hours.  i was constantly on the move as i don’t have anyone to depend on but myself especially at night when ppip had to work.  then the only part of my body bulging was my tummy!  i only got bloated on my ninth month but for 8months, i was as thin as ever.  sigh.

i realized that since pregnancy equals to conceiving another human being inside your womb, and since no two human beings are entirely alike, i can conclude that no two pregnancies are really alike or the same.  but why oh why some women have fairly easy pregnancies all the time? 

of course, i am being such a brat, writing this and all when i know i am quite lucky for several reasons despite having a slightly difficult pregnancy.

one, i have all the means to get my cravings.  i have money that whenever i want to eat dunkin, or sunburst, or golden cowrie, or cafe laguna, or gerry’s grill, i can easily go there and gorge on whatever it is i want to eat.

second, i have a husband who is at my beck and call and ready to buy whatever it is i fancy at the moment.  examples are apples, grapes, breakfast, congee, etc.

third, my son, inspite of his zaido-kakulitan is as loving and helpful as ever.  he gets me water whenever i have coughing fits and he kisses and hugs me whenever i ask for it.

fourth, i have very supportive friends who go with me wherever i want to have lunch on days when canteen food is just unbearable, which is 4 times a week exactly and don’t mind the extra expense on their part.  and those who let me ride with them to and from the office since our own vehicle is taking forever to arrive here in cebu.

ah, to be a pregnant woman.  more days like this ahead, i am sure.

To Be A Parent November 14, 2007

when i think of my upcoming (as in 7 months away) delivery, i get this funny, freaky thing in the pit of my stomach.  having and caring for one child is manageable, but taking care of two, still growing-up kids? ah, nerve-wracking.

i believe motherhood, or parenthood for that matter, is not only making sure your kid has diapers and milk and vitamins.  it’s not only taking him to the pediatrician for his monthly immunization.  it’s not only waking up in the wee hours of the morning to feed him.  it’s not only being proud of him because he can walk or talk at an early age.  it’s not only saving for his future so he can go to a prestigious university.

parenthood entails so much more.  it needs patience, care, undivided attention and most of all love and discipline.  when you say you want to give the best of everything to your child, you shouldn’t only think of the best clothes, the best brand of milk.  it should be first and foremost, the best of your care and love so they grow to be civilized and decent citizens.  one should have the right amount of control and strictness when it comes to disciplining children because too much freedom might lead them somewhere except the right path, while too much chastisement might make them feel inferior and good for nothing.  you would want to give them your full attention but not too much too for them to feel always being watched upon.  parenthood is quite a tricky task, eh?

when i think how my own mother managed to bring us three girls up single-handedly since my father’s away most of the time, i get overwhelmed because i am not sure if i can do what she has done, not only for us kids, but for the whole family.   i want to be a good, no, the best mother for raf and our soon-to-be son or daughter, but i don’t know where to start.  i would like to think i am doing a good job because our little boy, although throws tantrums as often as he throws his cars out the window, is such a sweet and smart 2-year old that he just couldn’t be an accident.

i will still be 25 when i would give birth to our second child.  and what makes everything so surreal and okay, weird, is that i think i, myself, and the husband also, still has a lot of growing up to do that i find it hard to imagine us rearing and guiding two tots.  but you know, i have long accepted the fact that the big boss up there has a sense of humor and that everything happens for a purpose so what’s a girl to do but open her arms and receive all the things heaven pours out to her?

hay. just the thoughts of a sleepy, pregnant woman.

The Second Time’s First Time October 22, 2007

just three weeks ago, my husband told me it’s time to have another baby.  he missed cuddling a sweet gentle soul because our eldest is hardly a baby anymore with his big boy ways and smells and talks.  i scoffed.  we can’t afford another baby.

why not? he asks.  our family income is big enough to support a toddler and a newborn so why not? i just don’t feel it’s the time yet to conceive.  apparently, He has other plans.

it took me two pregnancy tests bearing the same positive results to get myself to the doctor.  she recommended a TSV (trans V ultrasound) to determine the age and expected date of delivery since i cannot remember the first day of my last menstrual period.  the ultrasound confirmed that i am 7 weeks  and 3 days pregnant as of october 20, based on the size of the embryo.

so now, here i am.  not yet very pregnant but definitely very excited to welcome our newborn.  the next 9 months won’t be easy, i dread the not-so beautiful days but hey, what can i do?  i am a mother, and proud to be one.