i am on my 7th month and i feel like panicking. hahaha. i only have more or less two months then before this big balloon i call my tummy bursts.
one reason why i am still hesitant to give birth is that i haven’t really conditioned myself. to giving birth, that is. with my firstborn, i started contemplating and imagining the worst when my baby was still 6 months old.
i believe that it’s all in the mind – the pain, the agony, the trauma. once you can conquer your fear, you’ll do fine. so i would have wanted to have that two months just mentally going through the possible ordeals i would have to face so come delivery day, everything would just be a whiff. but lately, i’ve been too tired and too lazy to do a lot of thinking. hahaha.
i don’t even understand myself these days. i think it’s still part of the raging hormones stuff doctors tell you about but all i want to do is just sleep, lie down, read, eat and have peace and quiet. guilt sometimes eats me up, especially when raf tries to get my attention and all i can tell him is, “mommy is tired. let’s just play tomorrow.”
everyday i count until the weekend arrives and when monday rolls over, i am as excited as a pig looking forward to be roasted. hahaha. i don’t know if it’s a good thing but all the weight i have gained seems to be focused on the little one growing inside me as my arms and legs are basically still the same size. my face is rounder but i am thankful i still look presentable. hahaha. my flats are getting tighter which i think means that my feet are getting bigger. goodness.
oh well. i can’t wait to start my maternity leave already. hahaha.
photo courtesy of babycenter.com